How many times have you heard the following?
“They’ve been together forever.”
“We’ve been friends since birth.”
Whether it’s a friendship or relationship, we’ve all had that run-in with time. We place such an importance on the length of time we’ve known someone or have been with someone. However, I’ve discovered something – time means nothing.
Let’s turn this the other way…
Have you ever met someone and instantaneously connected? They were your spirit animal from the moment you said, “hello.” To quote Jerry MacGuire, you have experienced a “you had me at hello” kind of moment. This type of connection happens. Not all of the time, but as I grow older I’ve realized that just because they have been there since birth or the age of fifteen or whatever, doesn’t mean you know them or that they know you. Time is a small statistic in the quality of a relationship.
I know many people in relationships or friendships that have secrets, situations or issues they can’t discuss with their partner (and those feelings run deep). They don’t feel like they can tell each other everything, or sometimes anything. Yet, when we get together, the floodgates open. The truth emerges from their true feelings. This is how I know that those relationships are quality. Not by how many years I have known them, but the connection we share.
Some of the best people in my life are those that have only been really in my life for five or six years. Then there are friends that I have had since grade school that I feel don’t know me at all; I can’t be authentic around them. Time means nothing.
Time means nothing.
One aspect of time that I want to acknowledge is the accumulation of history. When you’re with someone for a long time, you build up a lot of history and some solid memories. While these were genuinely wonderful times, you start to ask if they really matter in the present moment. If you can’t be authentic or your whole true self around the person, what does a memory matter?
When you can’t tell the friend or partner about your life or pivotal change, etc, are they worth having around? Probably not; even if it has been twenty or thirty years.
I write these blogs as I process “aha” moments in hopes to spur your “aha” moment too. As I start to really ground myself in the present (because it truly is a gift 😉) I start realizing how important each and every day is. As the day comes and goes, I connect with those I want to and love those I want to. Time means everything, in the sense of spending it wisely, but it means nothing in terms of gauging the quality of our relationships.