I am done chasing. Like a dog chasing its tail, I’ve run round and round in circles. Over the years, I’ve chased many friendships and relationships. It has felt like a never-ending merry-go-round that has always ended with the same conclusion – me becoming exhausted.
Recently, I stopped. I just stopped. I woke up one day and decided I was done chasing both of the above. Today, I’m going to tell you what happened (is happening). Maybe it will encourage you to stop chasing or maybe it will encourage you in other ways…
Friendships are much like relationships. They need to be two-way. While I am sure there are generally more planning types (like myself), nothing feels better than a balanced friendship. It’s the give and takes of reaching out. The shared investment in the relationship. Personally, it doesn’t even have to be big plans. I am overjoyed when a friend reaches out to just chat and catch up; equally so when a friend asks me for a girls’ weekend. It’s about the effort.
So, what happens when you stop chasing? Well, for me, I’ve spent a lot more time alone. It has resulted in fewer FaceTimes, House Parties, and weekend plans, but it has been good. Please note: This isn’t some big test either – to gauge which of my friends reach out and which ones don’t. Everyone has a life and everyone gets busy. As we grow older, the “adult life” takes over and people are prioritizing children and finding their forever partners. It happens!
Is It Chasing? Or Reaching Out?
I think there’s a crucial difference between “chasing” and “reaching out.” Reaching out is keeping in contact. It is a natural part of a two-way relationship. You still have to fulfill your responsibilities in the relationship (and yes, a good friendship has some level of responsibility). However, when it comes to chasing, I describe this as “reaching out” to the person who always cancels. It’s hounding a person for a catch-up session. Ultimately, it doesn’t feel good. It feels like ignored phone calls and texts, canceled weekend plans, and a whole lot of one-sided conversations (when they do happen).
It’s one of those things that you need to decide for yourself and everyone is going to be different. Where is your line? What does a two-way relationship look like to you? Are you sick of being the party-planner/contact-starter? Start a conversation with those people. Be open, be honest, and be kind. Everyone has their own reasoning.
Bye Bye To Chasing Dudes
“Did you ask him what happened?” My friend encouraged me to reach out to a guy I was recently seeing. It was going well and we were casually talking about things we’d like to do in the future – nothing crazzzzzy, just golfing and boat rides – and then *POOF* he was gone.
The sad thing is, he did it before. Conversation was going well for a couple of weeks and then *POOF* he disappeared. However, when he reached out again weeks later he had a good reasoning and I thought I’d give it another whirl. This time, we met soon after starting to message and it was great – we saw each other regularly for a few weeks. But then, suddenly, he was gone. (Not from my Instagram though – he still watches each of my stories… This is what we call #Haunting)
So, why reach out? What’s the point? If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. Going back to the modern-day truth – if a guy isn’t reaching out, “He’s Just Not That Into You“. Okay, sure… make whatever excuse is going through your head right now. “It’s not the time.” “He said he’s not ready right now.” “You don’t know him as I do.” Say what you want and make the excuses you want, but if he a) really wanted to be there and/or b) had balls (in some cases), he WOULD be.
In the end, stop chasing. It feels SO good!
I Found Me Again
It sounds so cliche, and I know it, but it’s true. As I have stopped chasing, I have found what is important to me. I have found the true value of being alone. My life isn’t reliant on friends making plans with me. If I want to go out for supper and no one wants to do? I go alone. If I want to hike a mountain and everyone is busy? Gryphon accompanies me up the mountain.
Believe it or not – IT IS OKAY TO BE ALONE! Find solitude in your alone time. Appreciate your alone time. When I listen to my married friends with kids, they would LOVE a little more alone time. So, no matter what stage of life you are in, find time to be alone; embrace the things that make you happy and unique.
Stop chasing company SO much – friendships or relationships. Let me leave you with this question… Are you just chasing to avoid being alone? I know I once was, but now I’m done chasing and have never felt better.